to your world
gentleman from the cyber group I belong to has requested that I pen something to
the folks who shall be attending his "New-Comer" seminar.
I am not sure why he has asked this of me, but he has stated he respects my
opinion on such matters. I have no comment on that except a generic warning to
you all: Be careful about who you ask their opinions. They are common among all
humans... and everyone seems to have the 'correct one'.
You are attending this seminar in the pursuit of knowledge that will help you to
integrate yourself to the manners and morale's of an alternative lifestyle that
has contained within it an extreme prejudice. Unlike folks who are gay, or of
ethnic or religious minority, you have the opportunity to run screaming into the
night at the thought of placing yourself into such a position. Or do you?
Many who have been where you are (myself included) have found that what we are
is something that is as intangible as it is irresistible. Something we are drawn
to as naturally as a moth to a flame, and we are sincerely perplexed as to why
it has to be "me". We fought against it (despite the fun and interest
it showed us), attempted to deny it as something we 'had to have'; and yet, here
you sit...reading words on a page which confirm your worst fears, and your most
We are perverts. We represent what centuries of morals and social normalities
have declared are incorrect. In the past, people of our genre have been tried,
convicted and punished for the sort of thing we do (sometimes they still are). Yet,
we are prolific. We are many and we are not something that will simply go away.
There are many arguments against our 'lifestyle' by people who oppose the
'immorality' of what we represent in their minds. We do make an easy target; and
these folks are politicos in the constant quest for converts and the money
required to fund their self absorbing causes. Like they, there are organizations
to assist us in our right to pursue our choices in the streets and in the
courts. They support us, as we support them.
Those are the bad things that we see out there... the things that distract us
from our primary purpose: finding someone we desire and want to be with. What
are your requirements? What are your likes and dislikes? What do you expect to
find when you have the things you desire and 'need'?
These are the important questions which many people overlook in their quest for
that other person. They are the roots of the destruction of many relationships;
relationships that were doomed from the start, from ill preparation by the
person most responsible for them. You.
Answer these before you look outside of yourself for another. These are the
answers that would provide you the best resource towards your goal and in your
handling of your success.
Many people are here to assist you in these endeavors. They will tell you what
is good, what is bad, what is safe and what will get you hurt… But, ultimately
there is only one person who will tell you what you need to know. Yourself.
You have all the answers to where, why, how, what, how far, and how seriously
you will be in this lifestyle. More is not always better; less is sometimes
prudent; understanding oneself (above all else); understanding our partner
(beyond all others) is what we all require to ensure that we are who we desire
People who live this life to the fullest often find that there is much talk of
communication. Accept this for what it is. Through your talks with your
'significant other' you will discover things about yourself you were never aware
of. Whether this is because you did not want to be, or because you were not
aware enough to know.
People may offer you links to websites, literature, lectures, lechers and
lyrics… these are wonderful tools to get you started, but are not the 'end
all' and are certainly not all the answers you seek. They countermand one
another, cross each other, are contrary to common sense and sometimes are simply
frustrating in the way they miss the very point that you wanted answered.
People (who may become very good friends) may propose ideas, suppose intentions
and impose their opinions; others may offer wax, racks, and sacks and possibly
tax (if the government had their way)…. They are mostly good folks who simply
want to see you succeed in this. They mean well, but they are often times more
limited and argumentative about the fine points than the publications or the web
sites. Opinions are rife. People in 'this wandering' are constantly defining and
redefining themselves and their existence to meet some previously held opinion
or meaning. It would be nice if this were possible… the more you know, the
more you come to realize that there are no absolutes in our knowledge of
ourselves and our likes. There is only what feels right to you.
No matter where your interests take you, might I suggest we take a lesson from
some twelve-step groups? "Take what you like and leave the rest". You
may find that you are an extrovert, introvert exhibitionist or an extraordinary
existentialist in the perverted perspective, but what you find (despite all the
good references and intentions) is up to you.
Welcome to this select group. "Select" is the operative word, and may
you find the happiness that has eluded you for so long.